Breakups are hard. Sometimes your best self seems years away and you're a total mess. Cue our help.
Going through a break up is tough, especially when every movie implores us to wait for it, the one, the unexpected declaration of love, our exception to the rule. Most breakups do not end well and thus, make it harder to keep a girl boss attitude and head held high. This is where we come in.
Carry on respecting the relationship and the person you were with
Maybe you were together for two months, maybe two years or maybe two decades. You still cared for that person and naturally saw a future with them. Don’t become bitter, it can be tempting to tell your friends about their horrible traits purely out of spite. Blasting your ex on social media presents an image of resentment and anger. Never bad mouth an ex, and even when probed about the ins and outs, keep your answer short and simple. Celebrities have been doing this for decades.
Embrace every emotion
When breaking up with my most recent boyfriend, I reacted the same way as any writer. I wrote down a strategy and made sure I would be busy everyday for the next month. I shut out any bad emotion or negative feeling, I would actively stop myself from thinking about him by becoming consumed with tasks and activities. I booked trips, cleared out my closet and decided to read all 339 books mentioned in Gilmore Girls (I am still working on that). For me, the best way to move on was to ignore and avoid the breakup, it was my best friend who pointed out that this was only delaying the heartbreak though, that it would be better long-term to feel every single emotion. I gave myself a solid 15 minutes to cry, rant and then move on. Baby steps.
Don’t search for closure
Not everyone gets closure, sometimes there are loose ends that remain so, words you wish you had said and explanations or justifications you will never be told. Endings are painful and the heartbreak after sometimes, extraordinary. Accepting that you might not get the closure you want is the quickest way to start the healing process. Not all love stories get a picture-perfect final chapter, more often than not, moving on is the happy ending.
Commit to your decision
Initially, it can be really hard to lose a partner because undoubtedly, they were also your best friend. All of this makes it even easier to go running back to the person post-breakup, this might make the situation worse and leave you with more unanswered questions however. Repeat: Breakup sex is never a good idea. Commit to your decision, your breakup might be temporary but for now, this is the position you have decided on so give yourself time to adjust.
Make it about YOU, YOU, YOU
This is a perfect time to take up a new hobby or really invest in your passion. You never know who you will meet. I promise you, there are happier times ahead but those happier times will not be found in your bed or on the sofa at home.
This partner isn’t everyone
Maybe there is a devastating reason as to why you broke up. Perhaps, they cheated. Even if this is the case, not everybody will be the same as this partner. A bad breakup is no excuse to not trust or have faith ever again. There are currently 7.442 billion people in the world, all you need is one.
Say NO to the rebound – Don’t jump into another relationship as a way to mend your heart, take time to work through your feelings. In the long haul, a rebound could result in hurting someone else too. Instead, think about all the different ways to move on and start looking forward to embracing love again.
The most important tip though has to be to love yourself. Invest in yourself and for the first couple of weeks only do things you love. If you were looking for an excuse to buy those heels, this is it. This chapter will eventually just be a footnote in your life, so look forward to the future and being closer to meeting the one.
Author: Scarlett Victoria Clark
Scarlett Victoria Clark is Editor-in-Chief of Scriptoeris and a multi-lingual journalist. She has also written for Cosmopolitan and Harper’s Bazaar, when not writing she enjoys travelling and shopping for (more) heels.